Déjà vu

I was never a usual woman. Great parents raised me. Surrounded by inspiring family and friends. My day is never duplicated, every hour counts for itself. Been haunting for an unsolved mystery for the past couple of months.

As I grew older, learning is more involved in my life. Laptop was my little weapon in hands for creating new adventures and inspiring things. I eventually get bored from regular routine, and wanted to act out of the mysteries. My little sister seemed to be frightened with my unusual new habits. People who knew me well like my cousin AfraKhalifa “ Oh am not surprised that’s Hessah new thing.”

I loved using my new weapon, when not told the truth. Or when I start to fear something. Dressed up like a doll during my vacation, and my little weapons in my hands and thinking about any possibilities for solving the mystery.

And then there were the weapons. Déjà vu), literally "already seen") is the experience of feeling sure that one has already witnessed or experienced a current situation.

I hate the sad feeling and depression I get toward something. Sometimes everyone seems happy and in excellent situation. And one feeling changes everything. I once had it strongly in my beloved cousin wedding, I was wondering why now? Few days later had it even got stronger when I went out with my friends? Came back home crying because the printer was not working. It wasn’t the printer issue; it was what I heard immediately after that.

What if you told a person the most important thing in the world, but you knew they’d never believe you?

For me: I’d try again.

I won’t share what I “already seen” or experienced. I will only say, that I believe the inner feeling I got in me, and everyone else has. Because it guides me to take correct decision in life, whether people agreed or disagreed with me.

"Make decision according to what you feel is right, and not what others think of you."

“Brace yourselves by yourself.”

Sometimes, I force people to believe what choice I made, because “ I said so.”

I know this thing is right for me, don’t ever try to convince me because you can’t.

All what I ask for is believe in me…

Do you believe in me when I tell you I love you?

Do you believe in me when I tell you that i forever want you here with me?

Do you believe in me when I tell you that my world is forever changed?

Do you believe in me when I tell you tomorrow is not raining?

Do you believe in me when I tell you I will meet you soon again?

The Déjà vu, always makes me feel “And I feel like I’ve been here before.”

Regrets

When you both get along in doing something you enjoy. Yes those are your new friends whom you met earlier in your life. I always wondered whom shall I give the priority too? They are two different worlds, which filled my life with laughter, fun and tears.

So often people judge by the number of friends they have, for me I never counted them because they are countless, am just blessed to have them all. If you find yourself at large event with all familiar faces, that’s when you smile by having them all.

"Every person is a new door to a different world."

The sad part is when you give a friend a lot more than you should. Here is the story. I once had a friend, placed here as a sister. Nothing personal, sharing well times together only. I saw something amazing in her character, which always happens when you get to know someone new.

In her senior year, I’ve been attached to her, loved staring at what she accomplishes everyday. Stayed over time with her at work. Until it was dark, it was never ok with family until I did it for her. “ Sorry mom am late, but had to stay.” That when you apologize for introducing new habits at home.

Jewelry design class, was the thing I’ve worked on that summer to kill time, and generate my inner art. More than that, I created a piece of metal, launching into a deep graduation gift that no one will understand how hard is it to accomplish this piece. I barely remember how does it look like now because, I never saw her wearing it, nor the shirt that I spend two days in the art center trying to do it. Well, the reason I played with Art because Art works emotions differently, and very often people understands the effort you’ve put into it, and as you get to know Art you will appreciate it more than gifts, specially when its her way of doing things. I wasn’t a member that time, and I needed a company of a friend. It should be obvious that the girl who stayed with me just to see me work, and have a slice of sandwich from “Happy Grocery” and soda is such a great friend who had great patient and knew me well. She was watching me pouring the soup instead of the paint into the machine before printmaking. She was cracking up from laugher and enjoying my blond moments.

"I get by with a little help from my friends." 
- John Lennon

I had faked that I know how to use this machine, just to make sure I can make the similar gift she always does for others. Yes she came and saw me that day there, and never knew am staying all day for her. My father came and picked us up that night. He was very mad that the place was dark, and no one was there except my friend and me. We all went to the car, my friend was a bit shy, and so do I.

Not a shirt, or jewelry. Nor a cake or a greeting card. All what I asked for is “ How is your mother feeling?”

Have you ever had friends who just couldn't be there for you when things turned dark?

That how I feel now, last year this time my focus was giving. Didn’t really focus on the girl sitting all day next to me, who really cared to watch me accomplish my gift no matter how much she suffered that day.

“I am a success today because I had a friend who believed in me.”

I never judged, before but unfortunately it happened once. A friend whom I spent with years of my life and someone who I always get back to.

“ I never lost her never will, but am just sorry for the years that I’ve lost with the wrong people.” Hessah Hareb

Eat.Pray.Love

I always wanted to travel the world, and experience new food and culture. I was inspired by the book EAT.PRAY.LOVE in my 1 week getaway trip. I went to Milan last week and it was the highlight of this summer, regardless the hard moments me and my family faced. We were about to leave Milan, when my beloved uncle Khalifa and his family arrived. In the other hand, my mother felt really sick so we decided to check out from the old hotel, and go to our loved ones and stay there for two nights.

Surprisingly,Milan hotels were full, and our desired hotel " Star Hotel Rosa Grand." Was full, we asked for two connected rooms, and one single room. They apologized to us, few minutes before changing the plan and making calls to come back to london. A dear friend made her calls to some italian connections she had in Milan, and we found our new hotel and desired rooms in less than few minutes. Unbelievable right? Thats when people say you know your friends in hard times.

In our way to our new hotel, my friend made calls to the hospitals and explained to the italian doctor, the problem my mother hand in her stomach, and asked us to immediately go to the hospital. She typed the full address for me, and I gave my phone to the driver to read. We left the hospital with a stronger hope, that my mother health is getting better.

After a long hectic day, I had my late dinner in the room with mum, and dear cousin who I call a twin and soulmate, and my dear aunt shamma, they cancelled their first dinner plans in Milan to stay around with us.

The next morning, was a new happy day for all of us, mum felt slightly better, food in milan was amazing and the shopping was crazy too. We were running to cross streets, having the time of our life, enjoying what the summer gave us this year.

My mother health situation wasn't stable, so she felt tired and sick almost all of the time, so i had to manage sitting with her, while my eyes and heart killing me slowly from the curiosity asking what's more out there in Milan?

Regardless, what we did more in Milan, what we eat, whom we hanged out with. I learned in this trip many things, I learned that there are friends who enter your life in good times, other enter your life in hard times. Cherish those who come in hard times, they are truly heart of Jewels.

“You meet people who forget you. You forget people you meet. But sometimes you meet those people you can't forget. Those are your 'friends.'”

I appreciate all the text messages and calls I received from people to ask about my beloved mother. For once, I felt helpless in a foreign country that I didn't know how to read and talk their language. All what I had there is great people and great love.

"The love that moves the sun and the other stars."
— Elizabeth Gilbert

Leaving Milan for me was like pushing a moutien. I was very attached to that place, though we faced many challenges, and the weather was very sunny and our days were hectic. But I learned a great lesson and enjoyed every single day and hour in MILANO.

"The only thing more unthinkable than leaving was staying; the only thing more impossible than staying was leaving."
— Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love)

Those two quotes were made in Milan.

"Don't even mention it Hessah. What are friends for."Rowdha

"I love our smile." AfraKhalifa

What was never heard.

When it comes to waiting, I don’t know how to handle it. When I was a little kid I use to send the Driver to the grocery store, to get me Ice cream and stickers. I call him 5 to 6 times UNTIL he arrives back. I am never patient, and always in a hurry. So I wonder if I was promised to have something, how will I manage waiting

I always give people, and draw a smile on someone everyday. Not being patient sometimes is a good thing; I accomplish many things at once. I like to see things done quickly.

Faced an incident in my life that I hate to remember since it touched me so hard, I was forced to believe something that I didn’t bother to hear yet. Received a call from someone I love and adore having around to believe what I never heard. I faked knowing what all are talking about, and isolated myself in my room. I thought days will give me hope, and I will finally stop waiting.

In the other hands, I lost trust in people, who tried to share what I didn’t

hear. I lost touch with people who once were dear. I learned in life never trust so hard.


I trust everyone. I just don't trust the devil inside them. ~Troy Kennedy-Martin, The Italian Job

My plan is to stop waiting, because I honored my self with the strong patient I got and it’s bliss. Got hurt and pushed away by people I once loved and cared about. May Allah protect for me my family and best friends, because I can accept losing anything in life but them.

We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.

Joseph Campbell

"Alorefe" lecture

Salam everyone, I want to share with you what I have learned in today’s lecture . “ El shai5 el 3refe “ was talking about fa’6eelat el do3a2 . As everyone know most of us , go back to Allah and ask him when we are in need . du’aa’, is an expression of our need to Allah . The body language behind raising our hands up is exactly as a poor who beg's for food . We are always poor to Allah , we need help all the time . “ اللهم انت الغني و نحن الفقراء اليك"

Most of us ask God only when we are in need of something . Children , sick , money .... Have you ever wondered that one day you might loose it all ? Have you ever asked Allah to keep for you the happiness that he gave you .The money , children , house ... Have you ever wondered that today you can see the world , and one day you might wakeup blind . Allah gave us the opportity to ask him .الآية الكريمة : (( أدعوني استجب لكم )) و (( و إذا سألك عبادي عني فإني قريب أجيب دعوة الداع إذا دعانِ ))

Here is a story of a Saudian guy . Who lost his family in a car accident He lost his wife, and all of his kids . Now he is living with his brother in small room outside the house. Why don't we learn to ask Allah to keep for us what we love, and ask for more .

" اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنْ زَوَالِ نِعْمَتِكَ ، وَتَحَوُّلِ عَافِيَتِكَ ، وَفُجَاءَةِ نِقْمَتِكَ ، وَجَمِيعِ سَخَطِكَ "

"أللهم أسئلك عيش السعداء وموت الشهداء ومرافقة الأنبياء"

أن تتحول من حال إلى حال

When a person asks God for his muslium brother , God give his brother , and give him the same . So imagine the “ mlayka “ saying du'aa' for you . Isn't it great ? For example

اللهم اشف عبدك .... اشف فلان بن فلانة من حمى ......دعاء الرجل لأخيه بظاهر الغيب لا يرد ، وتقول الملائكة : لك مثله

To sum up , Ask allah when you are happy , Allah is always there for you .ونحن أقرب إليه من حبل الوريد. Remember Always say Elhemdella :)

Hopeless ;

I can see many doors are opened

In the right ,

In the left ,

But , why the main gate is always closed ?

I trust you ;

Have you ever heard of happy tears before ? They are invisible , more like shadow of a real water . They never lie in your cheeks and fall into ur lips . They come like sun light and the shadow of the real happiness glitters and sparkles in your eye . You can feel the sun in the middle of the night . When you are lonely you can feel the brightness .Nothing is more precious than having someone you have faith in .